I have this fear I will find out near the end of my life that I've just had an ordinary life. What I would have thought was an exciting life, one that I would never trade for anyone else's life, is just plain boring.
How is your life turning out? Is it an exceptional life or and ordinary one? Have you been having fun? Have you done everything on your bucket list that you intended?
When I was growing up, life was much bigger. Things were bigger back then, the future looked bright. Summer holidays were a big thing for me, they took forever to come. I spent a lot of time waiting, watching the old clock, in fact the whole summer, once it arrived it seemed endless and I'd be waiting for school to start again. Back at school, the whole year, seemed to take forever. It was an endless cycle. I had dreams, big dreams, ambitions, goals, plans to execute, feats to accomplish. Don't get me wrong I still have dreams, but now I realize they may never be attained but I'm content with that.
Christmas at one time was a big event for me, but since I've aged I've lost interest, it's not so big anymore. The presents are smaller. Remember those big boxes under the tree. Last year there was a pair of slippers, nothing more. Then again, I don't need anything. What did I give my loved one, a pair of slippers.
Along with my birthday, which no one wants me to forget, there were other people's birthdays. I don't have those warm fuzzy feelings as I once did. I can't even remember the last birthday party I've attended, it's been that long. What happened did everyone stop ageing and having birthdays, except me?
I remember the house I grew-up in, it was enormous, a thousand places to hide, a small house by todays standards. Grown-ups were exactly what they were, grown-ups, to be feared, but not now. I had dreams of owning a big house, a fancy car, having a high power job, travel the world, all these things. They never happened and as time rolls along, probably never will.
I did get the house, not that big, not the house of my dreams. I've had many a car, never the Lamborghini of my dreams. I've had jobs, not what I'd call a booming career but I tried. I never got off the North American continent, but that's okay, it's a big place, there's still a lot to see.
I'm afraid, I've developed a mental disorder, Koinophobia, the fear that I'm living an ordinary life.
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