If You Kill A Sasquatch - Be Prepared to Face Murder Charges

Save the Sasquatch -  An Endangered Species

The first Bigfoot Protection Ordinance was passed in the United States after a rumour spread that the Smithsonian Institute was offering $3 Million dollars for a body, dead or alive of the elusive monster.

Ordinance No. 69-01


WHEREAS, there is evidence to indicate the possible existence in Skamaia County of a nocturnal primate mammal variously described as an ape-like creature or a subspecies of Homo Sapian; and
WHEREAS, both legend and purported recent sightings and spoor support this possibility, and
WHEREAS, this creature is generally and commonly known as a Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, or Giant Hairy Ape, and
WHEREAS, publicity attendant upon such real or imagined sightings has resulted in an influx of scientific investigators as well as casual hunters, many armed with lethal weapons, and
WHEREAS, the absence of specific laws covering the taking of specimens encourages laxity in the use of firearms and other deadly devices and poses a clear and present threat to the safety and well-being of persons living or travelling within the boundaries of Skamania County as well as the creatures themselves, 
THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that any premeditated, wilful and wanton slaying of any such creature shall be deemed a felony punishable by a fine not to exceed Ten Thousand Dollars ($10,000) and/or imprisionment in the county jail for a period not to exceed Five (5) years.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the situation existing constitutes an emergency and as such this ordinance is effective immediately.
ADOPTED this 1st day of April, 1969 (No Joke)

There had been legal battles over the use of Columbia River Gorge. So, on April 16th of 1989, the ordinance was revisited and updated. To protect wildlife they decided to set up a Bigfoot Reserve which included the whole county, meaning it was still illegal to kill a Sasquatch but they dropped the fine to $500. and 6 months. But if the defendant killed the Sasquatch out of malice instead of self-defence the fine would be raised to $1000. and 1 year in prison.

If the Creature is determined to be a humanoid sub-species, a person could receive a murder rap. 

As to date, I know of no other county that has implemented such an Ordinance. More should do the same. 

Dog Brindle

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

what if i kill it inalaska