Christmas, An Unhappy Time For Me...

Christmas has always been a dreaded time for me, I'm only speaking for myself of course. 

I don't have those fond memories of Christmas, as a child, as other people do. Maybe that's why I dislike Christmas today. There was no happy Christmas Dinner, even if it looked like we were having a happy one. We always had a turkey, usually over cooked and dry, mashed potatoes and gravy. I'd over eat, to make sure I got my share. If you didn't eat it then and there it would be gone, a competitive game in our household, growing up with three older sisters. The dinner would always end in a big fiasco turning into a drunk and an argument. Eventually everyone crying.

My father would always distance himself from others by picking up the guitar and strumming away.  His way of coping with the festivities. It gave you the impression we were having fun.  But I knew it was his way of getting away from any responsibilities and his nagging wife. 

Of course, there are pictures of everyone laughing and smiling for the camera. Getting up early.  Wondering what Santa had brought us. Unwrapping the tons of presents under the tree. One year being so disappointed when I received a pair of socks and a stuffed Lassie dog. I wanted a real dog.

I never got what I wanted.  
I wasn't a spoiled child.
My sisters may differ.

I'd go off and cry somewhere, wondering why Santa never heard my wishes. 

After my parents split and I turned into a teenager.  Christmas became more sad.  Who's place were we to spend Christmas Dinner at, Mom's or Dad's? I hated the thought of either one being alone at Christmas.  

For a child.  It was like "Sophie's Choice" the movie.

I remember us kids asking our father,  

"Can Mum come for Christmas Dinner?"  

I wanted to cry.

Like I said earlier.  Christmas was not a good time for me.

Dog Brindle


wenlaine said...

Makes me feel like crying when I think of those awful family get togethers. Mom crying, Dad drunk but those were the later years. I don't recall many Christmases before becoming a teenager other than Gwen and Harry always being there. I guess those were happier times for our parents.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to read this, Mike. I've never liked mega-holidays, regardless of which one or which religion it's associated with, if it's a religious one. But the same goes for secular holidays, too. Though most religious holidays here in the US and Canada are much more secular than religious anymore anyway.