A Government Grant to Study Ear Lobe Length


Old man's ear.





Have you ever wondered why old people have huge ear lobes?









I received as a gift last Christmas, an ear ring, a diamond stud.  For a pierced ear. I've really never looked at my ear lobes in depth before and when I did I was surprised to see, two flaps, that could have sailed the Mayflower across the Atlantic.

The average ear lobe will increase in length by an average of 0.22 millimetres, every year from your 30's onward, males and females. Scientists have found that earlobe growth peaks once every seven years, in what is called a "circaseptennial rhythm" (the biological recurrence or alternation of different quantities or conditions). The width of the ear stayed stable and remained the same width. They came to the conclusion that gravity plays a major role. Skin collagen breaks down and relaxes as we age. Saggy upper arms and turkey-necks are part of the same phenomenon.

Where do you apply for these grants? I have a few items that need studying. I imagine writing out the application for the government grant.

One of the questions:  Why do you need money, it asks?  

"I want to study the length of my ear lobes." I say.

Okay Dog.  Here's $100,000 No need to have any accountability.

It must be that easy!

I looked at my ear lobes draping my shoulders. Fingered them. I thought of the money they would fetch me if I applied.

Then thought, "Would I like to have a diamond drawing people's attention to them?" 

The diamond stud, is still sitting on my dresser. What is it now, July?

Dog Brindle


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